You asked me what is wrong with me.
By, Shae Kamerer
You asked me what is wrong with me. That is a question you should think more then
just twice before asking. My emotions colide with each other whirling around me smashing me from the inside. Colors of my emotions leave me ty-die inside. They push me back, shove me forward, shove me side to side, up and down. Leave me in a colorful mess. I try so hard to control my emotions and how they come out. How I speak and what tone I speak in. Anyone can send me flying to the edge. Leave me hurdaling towards the sharp rocks inside my chest. You ask what is wrong with me. I dream of love and love other people but those people never feel the same. I'm desparate to love so I take whoever comes along. When they hurt me I'm not surprised I brought it on myself. But The guys I love make me feel like I'm never enough so I sedle. Why do I act the way I do? Because I'm damaged. I grew up in a world where C.S.D kept trying to remove me from the only mother I knew and loved.
I grew up in a world with no friends, and the friends I did manage to have used me. When they were finished they left leaving my heart broke. I always had a good heart, I've always been misunderstood. I don't act right around people. I make a fool of myself. You asked me what is wrong with me. My heart is broke, shattered, brused and almost faded. I give love and sometimes recieve love mainly by my parents and other family members. I float inside. I pray, dream and, hope for my special person to come my way. Inside while I float the colors smother me, the thorns cover me the blood rain down on me. My wings tear away from me and my heart cries out while my soul yearns and slowly fades into the darkness. While the wind blows inside of me the wholes inside hurt, the agony and the sharp stings of pain parlyze me.
I take a deep breath while putting my head up to the sky looking for air. My whole body searches for my special person. I wonder if my special person can shield me from the emotions I feel. The person I'm holding my heart out on the line for isn't showing any interest in me. We've known each other for years. But I am not sure I am his type. I am known for being dark, unstable, crazy, insane and, agresive. But those are my walls. I once let a person through those walls and he crushed my heart into pieces. I was affraid it was going to be like that forever. Well I always have to settle for love? Or can I truly gain the love of someone some day?
You asked what is wrong with me. If you were welling to take the time out of your day, I can show you the real me. The me that is bursting at the seems. The me that I want to be. The me is me, the me that I want my special person to see and not hurt me. The me that is so affraid to come out, the me that is constantly being hurt and betrayed. The me that is still alive. I wish I could be that person that attracts the people that I fall in love with. The people that I have a crush on. But I'm not that type of person. My walls are to strong and to aggresive and far to protective I scare people off, piss them off, push them away, tire them out or, all of the above. Why am I the way I am? Take my hand and I'll show you why.